He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
