I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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