Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
