i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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