She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
