I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
