Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
