I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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