We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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