did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.