she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.