I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
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I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
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A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal