saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.