So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
