It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
