so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
