is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
