when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
