So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
