I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
