wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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