guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
