He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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