come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
