So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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