cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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