It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
