There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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