Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
