its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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