I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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