I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
