umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
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I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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