Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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