you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
