Is it normal to miss your booty call?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
