She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You've changed since you got that strap on
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