just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
