Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
