My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
