If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
