dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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