there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I AM VODKA MAN
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
