some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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