She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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