Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
