I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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