Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
