the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize