i jhust puked up my retainher.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
