Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
