I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
