Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
