Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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