K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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