i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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