Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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