Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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