just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
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Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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