good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
