I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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