I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
