I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
