I checked into jail on foursquare
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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