Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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